I didn’t think it would happen to me.

I love teaching.  I love the part where a student struggles with a difficult concept and then stands a little taller when he has mastered that concept.  I love being present while young people traverse the rough terrain of adolescence and emerge as confident young adults.  I love being a guide for those journeys.  I love watching a student come alive and grow in excitement once she finds something she is passionate about.  I love school holidays and summers off.  I love back-to-school sales and the smell of freshly sharpened pencils and the crisp feel of new college-ruled loose-leaf paper.  I love the possibilities that August brings.

But. . .

When I signed out on my last day in June 2017, the thought of being back in that space in just a few short weeks sent me home with a feeling of dread rather than the usual anticipation of morning coffee on my deck with a good book for the next 8 weeks (has anyone noticed that summers are getting shorter?).  None of my frustrations about teaching or my anxiety about returning in the fall had anything to do with students:  I was burned out by a toxic climate; by a system of reward and punishment that lacked clear rules about how one might earn favor or how long that favor might last; by promises made and not kept; by poor performance and lack of accountability being protected; by a lack of support and cooperation among staff; by an arbitrary evaluation system that doesn’t award points for heart and for children loved and children saved but deducts points for measurable yet inconsequential benchmarks; by moving targets; and by the childish back-biting by professionals who should be building each other up rather than tearing each other down out of jealousy and spite; by testing. Enough with the testing! So, I quit. I didn’t transfer to another district, nor did I leave the profession to begin another career.  I just walked away.

Ask me if I regret it.  Go ahead, ask.

No. Not even a little.

I spent the summer getting reacquainted with my family.  I read 75 books that had been on my shelf, waiting.  I binge watched all the shows on my watchlist and DVR.  I spent more time in the barn and more time at the beach.  I went to Disney World. But most of all, I had the luxury of time to spend with my dad who is suffering from Alheizmer’s and Dementia.  It was killing me to watch him slip away. . . a little less my dad each time I saw him.  Quitting my job allowed me to be fully present for him and to ease the burden for my mom.

Is it scary?  A little.  But I’ve noticed that your friends and family will support you and help you.  I’d never asked, of course, because I was afraid all that time that they’d discover I wasn’t fabulous. Guess what?  I wasn’t fooling anyone:  they all knew I was miserable and were just waiting for me to admit it to myself.  It wasn’t too long before a former colleague reached out to ask if I was interested in working with her.  More on that in another post.

The moral of the story is: do it.  Ask yourself the following questions and weigh them against your fear of leaving.  More information on Teacher Burnout and help in transitioning can be found here:

1. Do you dread going to work? Do you feel anxious or depressed on Sunday night before Monday morning?
2. Do you feel stuck and unhappy because you don’t see room for advancement or promotion in your field?
3. Do you have control over your work and your projects? Or are most important decisions made for you? Do you feel you must comply “or else?”
4. Do you feel disillusioned because teaching isn’t what you thought it would be?
5. Do you have trouble sleeping because you are worried about finances? Do you lose sleep over your students? Do you feel a general sense of overwhelm?
6. Are you lacking the energy and drive you to need to be consistently productive and effective on the job? Are you just going through the motions, hanging on from vacation to vacation?
7. Are you having physical issues such as headaches or backaches? Have you been diagnosed with gastrointestinal issues or other ailments?If any of this sounds like you, you may be experiencing teacher burnout. You may be ready for a career “makeover.”

For you: we have a hard job.  The hours are long and thankless.  The rewards are infinite and great.  Be honest with yourself — no lie is greater than that which we do within.  If you need a break, take it.  You have my blessing and I promise you will ok.